Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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