Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
pop tarts are not kleenex
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
