matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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