Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
