You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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