yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
organizing the empties. That sober.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
