; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
