He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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