I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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