Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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