I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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