Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
