I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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