This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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