peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
