Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
