Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
