I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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