so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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