if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
