you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know her cup size but not her name....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
