maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
