This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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