Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
