I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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