you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
