Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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