yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
