my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
