I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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