8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
