This is not my ceiling
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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