Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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