what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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