: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
