i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
