There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
