my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I miss vodka workout Fridays
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
