so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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