Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
