ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
