like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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