Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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