So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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