Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
