He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
