dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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