Did you just see the Batmobile???
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
