no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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