Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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