i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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